oh god. im in the state where no one can save me anymore.

i look at our pictures and then i look at theirs. I'm not even sure what i want now. If only there are sign of the future.

Ugh. i need some alone time. BF is sleeping and not answering call. Gfs are busy with work/school. I have lost all my contact(cursing&swearingwhoevertook myhp!!). I feel so naked now. Dad has changed his number. this is just great. no more extra moolahs.

And to think of it i made plan for today thinking of surprising him..

*inhale exhale inhale exhale....

life is so unpredictable. And its raining. Great...

So it has been a month past. Damn right it was a rollercoaster ride. And zahra, you need to compose yourself and be sure of what you want.

Yes i'm selfish, i still hold back and afraid to be in the picture. But right now im sure i am going to put everything aside and stand on the ground. On Alfie's. =))

Truly i am sorry for letting you feel that way.



Maybe my past will always haunt you, no matter how hard you try to deviate from it. But how do you think i survive? p.s im nt proud of it because maybe i concealed myself from the truth for so long, that the lies are the only thing i know. Maybe it's hard to filter out the good people from the bad, the ugly from the not so ugly. But maybe, just maybe, you'll keep trying. Because maybe, just maybe, there's a thing called a second chance. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find redemption in me someday.



sometimes love is not as perfect as we wish it would be....but the best thing in love....is to give it to the person who really deserves that love and loving you back again.

Just because someone doesn't love you in the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got.

Alfie is my love..
Kay cheesy i know... but im surprise he actually made a video of us. Sweet i know!!

Love, what can you get from it? Or what is love?

Ahhh, to me its a feeling that you know that your partner will be there for you in any under circumstances. To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia, you let everything pass you. You make a choice or shall i say you take a risk to be in love. Because you will know how is it going to end. Will it be a fairytale ending complete with a lovely wedding? Or will you lock yourself in room and think the world's going to end?

I know if i ask a new couple who just got into relationship they will say love is their partner. And if you ask a person who just got out of a relationship they will say its a horrible thing that happen to their life or its just a part of parcel of life that you go thru when you grow up. And take it as a journey.

Here's a qoute to share;

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen,

Well, this makes me realised that one can't have everything to run perfectly in their life. Therefore love is not all about two human living happily without suffering. Even Romeo and Juliet have to suffer.

So its alright to have hiccups in relatonship because it will just make your relationship stronger and you will be a better person.

And love is not all about relationship, it is also about friendship that ones have.
And Tabitha, Rafiqa, Mary and Diana is the best thing ever happen to me. =))

I miss you girls plus moe too. Hees.

Lots love,
Ati

Hey hey!! Selamat Hari Raya to all my muslim friends! =)

Alright, i was woken up by the kecohness in my house this morning, the usual thing happen. The guys go to the mosque to pray while the ladies stayed home and prepare the dishes for the family.

Hahs, i was like a walking zombie this morning. So imagine this, i was falling asleep while slicing the lontong. Maybe i don't have enough sleep for the past three days, I bet boyfriend felt the same way too, poor him. Yesterday his eyes was turning red towards the end of the night and right now he's out with his family, wearing his traditional malay costume. shag. But i think all the foods will energised him back. *laughs*

Yesterday was such a long tiring day for the both of us. We went all over the island to import and export the kuihs hahs. And next year i will remind myself never to visit the G land when its raining. Damn! It was so packed and humid!! And the ATMs can't even dispense any cash at all!! tsk3 but then again i don't think i would ever want to visit there again at night. Anyway he bought two diff colour of the traditional malay costume, which actually i think he look really good in it especially when his finger ran thru his hair and combed it to the back........*grins* lol.
So when we reached there and saw the first costume that caught our eyes, we just grab it. And kinda regret it cause there are better ones inside. So yea, we grab another one. Cause the first doesn't really match with what im going to wear. =) so the color for this year will be Purplish,maroonish and greyish.. Yea we got a very hard time to find the colour to match mine. Oh wells.

Even though G land always get to my nerves, he's there to cheer me up. =)))
Thank you!!

Anyway, i'm like going to stay home till evening which then my family will go out. God! Thats like 5 more hours to go.. I think i'm going to take a nap. My mum's Sabah friends are here thou..


Chalo!!